Provision #727: Yes Matters
by Bob Tschannen-Moran
Laser Provision
When it comes to leadership, "Yes" matters. It's easy to say, "No." "No," you
can't do that. "No," we don't have enough money. "No," we don't do that around
here. "No," we tried that before and it didn't work. "No," we can't
afford to bring on more people. "No, no, no!" Such nay saying is an all too familiar
refrain, especially in the face of economic and political uncertainty. Fear is
the author of "No." But leaders are the voice of "Yes." Read on to add your
voice to the chorus.
LifeTrek Provision
This week has been a week of sitting. Sitting Zen holds a venerable place in the
Buddhist tradition. It means to sit calmly, noticing whatever thoughts, words,
images, and feelings cross our minds without judging or getting involved with
them. From this open posture, practitioners can experience insight into the
nature of existence and thereby gain enlightenment.
There are many ways to sit Zen, the classic way being with folded legs and
hands, and an erect but settled spine. My approach, this week, has been to sit
with my almost 87-year-old mother as she recovers from a now twice-broken leg.
It was a bad break that requires her to put no weight on the leg for perhaps as
long as three
months. Talk about challenging! It has been easy for her to get discouraged, to
imagine the worst, and to struggle both physically and emotionally with her
limited mobility.
Releasing such thoughts and exercising her muscles are not my mother's strong
suits. Fear is a powerful force, perhaps the most powerful force, and fear has
been alive and well in room 400 at the rehab center over the past month.
I got a strong sense of that even before I came to town, talking with my mother
multiple times a day on the telephone. This week, while sitting in her room for
hours at a time, I was able to sense that fear more fully.
"What if I never get better?" was the foundational fear. "What if I have to live
this way for the rest of my life?" "What if I'm never going to be able to walk
again?" "What if I am always going to remain so helpless and dependent on other
people?" Such fears reflect the power of "No." The doctor said "No" to weight
bearing exercise, and that set off an understandable but unfortunate downward
spiral.
As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into a month, the woman who
had danced at her granddaughter's wedding just two months earlier, on the top of
a mountain in Costa Rica, became increasingly discouraged and depressed. "What's
the point of living if life is going to be like this?" It was a thought filled
with attachment and despair. Then something happened that cracked open the door
to life: someone finally said, "Yes."
On Friday they took her first, post-operative x-ray. The downward spiral had her
fearing the worst, but the body has wisdom that the mind does not know. The leg
is healing. The x-ray evidenced no displacement and signs of bone growth.
Although it's still too early to put any weight on the leg, she now has reason
to believe that this nightmare will have a happy ending. And that hope makes all
the difference in the world.
Great leaders understand the power of "Yes." They look for ways to say "Yes" at
every opportunity. That may, in fact, be one way to describe what leadership is
all about: creating an environment of "Yes."
Unfortunately, most organizational environments reflect a culture of "No" rather
than "Yes." Fear is in the air. People are afraid to take initiative. They worry
about the consequences of taking risks. "Failure is not an option!" is not only
the title of a book, it is also the mantra of fear. When failure is not an
option, creativity diminishes, learning declines, and innovation dies.
And that's not a good way to be in this day and age. Fear does to organizations
the same thing it does to the elderly: it constricts, tightens up, and squeezes
out functionality. It interferes with the capacity to think, dream, experiment,
venture out, and get things done. It blocks the realization of potential, both
individual and collective.
Understanding this, great leaders strive to drain the fear out of their
relationships with people. Instead of criticizing what people say and do, great
leaders seek to understand, appreciate, and complement what people say or do.
And that's always possible, even when we don't see eye to eye with people.
In Chicago, the people at
Second City Communications refer to this as "Yes...And" communication.
Instead of derailing people with "No...But" responses, great leaders:
- Actively Listen to the Ideas of Others (Listening to understand, not
just to respond)
- Intentionally Affirm the Ideas of Others (Validating ideas, even when we
disagree)
- Authentically Build on the Ideas of Others (Making a contribution that
helps ideas grow)
Those three moves are harder than they look. The power of "Yes...And" doesn't come
easy. It takes conscious choice and consistent practice to embody those
principles in our presence. To pay attention with an appreciative ear, rather
than a
critical ear, is an acquired talent. Anyone can learn to lead from "Yes...And," but
many people fail to make the effort.
That's because it's easier to find fault than to see value. The things we don't
like, the things to which we want to say "No...But," tend to jump right out. When our
child comes home with a report card containing four "good" grades and one "bad"
grade, most parents are more likely to say "No" to the bad grade than to say
"Yes" to the good grades. The same thing happens in the workplace. Those in charge are
quick to focus on what's wrong in order to fix what's wrong.
As natural as that problem-solving instinct may be, research now indicates that
there is a better way to change. Saying "No" to what's wrong is not as effective
as saying "Yes" to what's right. Learning from success is a more certain path to
excellence than learning from failure.
Case in point: in 1984 two groups of bowlers with comparable ability were
invited to improve their bowling by watching themselves bowl on film. What they
didn't know was that the films were edited differently. One group only watched
their successes (strikes and spares) while the other group only watched their
failures (mistakes and misses).
The first group was then told: "figure out what you were doing right and do more
of that." The second group was told: "figure out what you were doing wrong and do
less of that." Both groups improved, the power of "Yes" proved to be far more
impactful than the power of "No." The first group had more self-efficacy and
learned more from their success than the second group had or learned from their
failures.
Many such experiments have since confirmed the power of learning from success.
In every arena of life and work, the power of "Yes" matters. It makes the
difference between fully realizing one's potential and simply getting by with
good enough results. It is the key to exceptional performance because it
maximizes confidence and fills people with hope, energy, and momentum.
And here's the real good news: we don't have to wait for designated leaders to
give us permission to take this stance. We don't have to wait for the stars to
align in order to live and work from the power of "Yes." Each and every one of
us can choose to do that right now. When we release our fears and engage our
strengths we can find our voice and take on the risks of leadership. We can
become the catalysts of change that the world is calling for now,
whatever our title or job description.
Coaching Inquiries: What tends to be your default position in life and work,
"Yes" or "No"? What would it take to say "Yes" more often?
How could you look for strengths on a more consistent basis? What might you be
able to learn from your own strengths? Who could help you see more of those for
yourself?
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talk with us about coaching or consulting services for yourself or your organization,
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LifeTrek Readers' Forum (selected feedback
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Editor's Note: The LifeTrek Readers' Forum contains selections from the comments
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Email Bob.
I have really been enjoying your recent Provisions on
Graciousness,
Gratitude, and
Generosity. These are such important attitudes! Thanks for the reminder. Top
May you be filled with goodness, peace, and joy.
Bob Tschannen-Moran
President, LifeTrek Coaching International,
www.LifeTrekCoaching.com
CEO & Co-Founder, Center for School Transformation,
www.SchoolTransformation.com
Immediate Past President, International Association of Coaching,
www.CertifiedCoach.org
Author, Evocative Coaching: Transforming Schools One Conversation at a Time,
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