Provision #634: Play With
Possibilities
by Bob Tschannen-Moran
LifeTrek Laser Provision
We know it's important to feel good. When we feel good, we relax and become
open to new possibilities. We broaden our minds. But did you know it works the
other way around as well? The more possibilities we see, the better we feel.
Options lead to opportunities which lead to optimism. If that sounds like an
attractive chain to you, then you may be reading this Provision at an opportune
moment. You'll learn all about brainstorming new possibilities -- a practice
that may become your new best friend.
LifeTrek Provision
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The same could be asked about
appreciation. Which comes first, positivity or the possible? As it turns out,
the chicken has an edge. The more we appreciate the good stuff, the more open we
become to imagining, considering, and exploring possibilities. And the more we
lay those eggs, the more chickens come home to roost. Positivity and possibility
cross-fertilize each other in delightful and constructive ways.
It's pretty clear how this works. When we are filled with negativity of any
sort, including anger, fear, confusion, embarrassment, pain, and fatigue, we
tend to narrow our options. We respond with the classic fight, flight, or freeze
alternatives of the limbic system. The notion of playing with possibilities is
the furthest thing from our mind. We just want to do whatever we have to do to
start feeling better.
But fight, flight, or freeze are neither the only alternatives nor even the best
alternatives when it comes to resolving negativity. By reframing the negative
with the power of appreciation, such as I wrote in last week's Provision,
Reframe the
Negative, we can calm down our limbic system and open the door to other,
more creative, and hopefully more successful possibilities.
Research by positive psychologists makes clear that this is exactly the way
positivity works. It broadens the mind. It turns us away from doom and gloom and
draws us toward the realm of the possible. Barbara Fredrickson notes, however,
that the effect is temporary. Unless we consciously cultivate appreciative
attitudes and perspectives, the limbic system reasserts itself and can easily
overtake us.
So the chicken that lays the egg of possibility is positivity. What we
appreciate, appreciates. When we appreciate things with positive value, however
covered over they may be by the patina of negativity, then we turn in that
direction and those things grow. When we fail to appreciate those things, taking
stock of only the negative things that we don't like, don't want, and don't
appreciate, then those are things that grow. We actually make matters worse by
focusing on what's wrong.
That sounds counter-intuitive, since most people have a natural affinity for
problem solving, but the more we focus on problems, even in trying to solve
them, the more problems we see. It becomes a vicious and at times discouraging
cycle. When we drain the swamp to catch the alligators, we may find ourselves
overwhelmed and overrun with alligators. Better to leave the swamp the way it
is, and find new things to focus on that will make life more safe, attractive,
and welcoming.
When we do that, when we catch sight of a new vista that is filled with hope,
trust, and love, all kinds of new possibilities begin to emerge. Fredrickson
writes: Positive psychologists have learned that we can "broaden the very scope
of people's attention simply by making them feel good. Our emotions are
connected to our outlooks via a simple cause-and-effect relationship. As
positivity flows through our hearts, it simultaneously broadens our minds,
allowing us to see both the forest and the trees." (2009, p. 57).
Of course positivity has to be genuine for that to work. Pretending to feel good
is not very effective, at least not until it gets to actually feel good. And
that's the cross-fertilization I'm talking about when it comes to positivity and
possibility. It's important to cultivate positivity. The more appreciation,
gratitude, affection, excitement, joy, and energy we feel, the more
possibilities we see. But it also works the other way around. The more
possibilities we see, the more appreciation, gratitude, affection, excitement,
joy, and energy we feel.
I see that all the time in my work with coaching clients. People often come to
coaching in a crouch. They want more out of life and work and they can't see how
to get it, so they close up like a clam until they can't stand it anymore.
That's when they may decide to reach out and talk with a LifeTrek Coach.
But we avoid focusing on the problem and the pain. That's what therapists are
for. Instead, we focus on the possibility and the potential. We look forward to
what might be and we love to brainstorm new possibilities with our clients.
Whether we call it that or not, brainstorming -- the rapid generation of
multiple possibilities -- is an essential work of coaching. In one form or
another, I use it with most of my clients most of the time. On occasion, I will
use the word to set aside a time for brainstorming. "Let's brainstorm about how
to do that or how to get there," I might say. More often, however, I just make
use of one of my favorite coaching questions, "What else?" Then I ask it again,
and again, and again. The more we come up with, the more we have to work with.
One doesn't have to be working with a coach to brainstorm. Indeed, it's possible
to brainstorm all on your own with a paper and pencil. As ideas come, write them
down. Draw circles around them. Connect related circles with lines. Develop
clusters of ideas. Keep going until you can't think of anything else, then go a
little longer.
Here are a few basic rules for effective brainstorming:
- Positive Focus -- Focus specifically on what you want, not on what you
don't want.
- Rapid Ideation -- Go fast. Don't develop anything. Just get it out.
- Withhold Judgment -- Brainstorming is not about generating good ideas.
- Go for Quantity -- Brainstorming is about generating ideas. The more the
better.
- Go for Crazy -- Think outside the box.
- Broaden & Build -- Allow one idea to stimulate another idea. Let one
thing lead to another.
Now here's the magic. The more possibilities we generate through
brainstorming, even if we don't end up pursuing them, the better we feel.
The mere fact that possibilities exist is encouraging. We are not trapped
and hopeless the way we thought. We are free and full of possibilities.
So positivity and possibility work together to make us feel better and lead
us forward. That's true regardless of whether or not you play with a coach.
Playing with possibilities is an essential attribute of successful and happy
people. If you want more good stuff in your life, then play with
possibilities until the good stuff comes true.
Coaching Inquiries: How many possibilities are you aware of in life and
work? What would assist you to brainstorm more possibilities? How could the
generation of possibilities increase your positivity quotient? Who could
become your brainstorming partner on the trek of life? To reply to this Provision, use our
Feedback Form. To
talk with us about coaching or consulting services for yourself or your organization,
Email Us
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to arrange a complimentary conversation. To learn more about LifeTrek Coaching programs,
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LifeTrek Readers' Forum (selected feedback
from the past week)
Editor's Note: The LifeTrek Readers' Forum contains selections from the comments
and materials sent in each week by the readers of LifeTrek Provisions. They do
not necessarily reflect the perspective of LifeTrek Coaching International. To
submit your comment, use our Feedback Form or
Email Bob..
I am not sure we have met, maybe once for just a few moments, but I've
been reading your Provisions for a long time. I am often struck by how
relevant they are to my learning each week! However, this week's Provision,
Reframe
the Negative, requires a response! The timing is just too remarkable.
My task this morning is to craft our first assignment for the 50 ninth grade
students participating in our high school completion program. (Of course, I
checked my email before embarking on my task... a topic for another
conversation!) The students were identified as at-risk for dropping out of
school last spring and our programming begins now, although, their
school-based advisors have been working with them throughout the summer
doing fun get-to-know-you type activities. We are going to partner with a
group of ninth graders in Senegal, Africa in a web-based social networking
opportunity using Ning.
The students in Senegal tend to be diplomats' and executives' children --
quite different life circumstances than our rural children here in Alabama!
However, we see great possibilities for learning from each other. For the
first activity, we decided to invite all of them to take pictures of their
community -- pictures of what they love and celebrate and pictures of what
they wish were different (I am questioning this part of the assignment right
now!) and to post their pictures to the
Ning.
Once the pictures are posted, the students can begin sharing questions and
comments with each other about their photos... Hopefully, a meaningful
conversation will emerge...With tons of appreciation! Thanks.
I so enjoyed your 'Reframing the Negative' Provision. It reminded me of
a story I was told by a client, the City of Grande Prairie, Northern
Alberta. They had a project where they gave disposable cameras to street
people, printed the photos and held a 3 day exhibit in a gallery downtown. I
understand that it was a wonderful success and my client told me that the
images that people photographed reminded her that regardless of the
situation in your life -- we all see beauty in nature and in friendships. A
number of the 'photographers' said that they were so proud of their exhibit
and that they at last had something to give back to their community. They
were so proud of their accomplishments!!
Your letters on positive reframing really struck home with me. So many
of the children I work with on the Gold Coast of Australia have come out of
severely dysfunctional family frames and need some way to make sense of it.
I'm sure your letters will be of great help to many of them -- not to
mention so many of the parents who read our weekly newsletters.
Thank you for keeping us "real" on this trek called life. The more we
assert strategies like "framing for the positive", the better off our world
will be.
I, too, was deeply moved by the stories told at Ted Kennedy's funeral.
There is a photograph in Time magazine I have cut out of Ted Kennedy looking
right at me (and you). When I am searching for something to help me reframe
the negative, I will look at this picture and see him looking at me and I
will hear his words -- I know you can do it. There is nothing that you can't
do.
If ever I am searching for a coach I will call you first! Todays
Provision is especially beautiful, and as always, is filled with images and
wise words. It is especially rich for me this day partly because my first
wife has been in the hospital for over three weeks and still is seriously
ill. Our three children, youngest is 40, are dealing with this in a
magnificent way. As much as I want to be there with them and to protect
them, I cannot. So, thank you for this piece on this Sunday morning! We can
see the positive if we look. Top
May you be filled with goodness, peace, and joy.
Bob Tschannen-Moran, President
LifeTrek Coaching International
121 Will Scarlet Lane
Williamsburg, VA 23185-5043
Email: Coach@LifeTrekCoaching.com
Phone: (757) 345-3452
Fax: (772) 382-3258
Twitter: LifeTrekBob
Web: www.LifeTrekCoaching.com
Mobile: www.LifeTrekMobile.com
Coach Training: www.EvocativeCoaching.com
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