Provision #629: Stress Relievers

by Bob Tschannen-Moran

LifeTrek Laser Provision

Today we wrap up our series on stress with a summary of the four stress assessments and the nine stress-proofing practices we have reviewed over the past few months. Many readers tell me they love my summaries, because they help to crystallize the learning we have experienced by exploring a topic together. I know I learn a lot from writing them, and I also learn a lot from the replies you send me from week to week. Thanks for that. Want to learn how to stress proof your life in one quick read? Today's Provision is the one for you.

LifeTrek Provision

1. Stress Proof Your Mindset.
Stress activates the more primitive parts of our brains, including the Reptilian Complex and the Limbic System. That's why our mindsets get so reactive, emotional, and judgmental. To calm things down, we have to engage the Cerebral Cortex. What is really happening? What are we feeling? What do we need? What do we want? The more engaged we become with such questions the more we activate heart energy. The point is not to analyze the problem (that can make things worse); the point is to appreciate the situation in ways that make things better. By shifting our focus to a positive view, and by avoiding catastrophic conclusions, new possibilities emerge.


2. Stress Proof Your Self Talk.
What do we say when we talk to ourselves? If our messages are filled with judgmental, critical, demanding, and self-deprecating remarks, then we're piling stress upon stress. So how can we shift what we say when we talk to ourselves? Try this: instead of saying, "I'm so stupid," reframe that by saying, "I'm telling myself that I'm so stupid." Instead of saying, "Stop being so nervous," reframe that by saying, "I'm telling myself that I should stop being so nervous." By reframing negative self-talk in these ways, we break the pattern and become more able to chart a different course. By receiving our inner messages as gifts, instead of as pests, we come into a new and more choice-full relationship with our feelings.


3. Stress Proof Your Routines.
Tell me your daily routines and I will tell you your future. To stress-proof our lives we not only need to do inner work, such as stress proofing our mindsets and self talk, we also need to do outer work -- starting with our daily routines. Successful people have successful routines, patterns of behavior that we don't have to think about, that we enjoy, and that support our values and goals in life. The more we get ourselves into positive rhythms, not boring ruts but invigorating routines, the better we will handle the stressful challenges of life and work.


4. Stress Proof Your Wellness.
Wellness is a function of our routines. It's not an accident; it's rather the cumulative appreciation of positive, lifelong habits. Brush your teeth every day, for example, or even better multiple times a day, and you increase your chances of good health. That's the way wellness routines work. By paying attention to our nutrition, fitness, and goodness routines, people stave off the ravages of disease and aging. My own recommendations are based on evolutionary science: the best ways to eat, drink, exercise, and live are the ways that human beings have adapted to the longest. All this is summarized in the LifeTrek Optimal Wellness Prototype. They include an abundance of whole foods, found in nature, and a minimum of processed foods, developed through industry and agriculture.


5. Stress Proof Your Money.
Wealth is also a function of our routines. Although some people are born into wealth, most people come into it -- if they come into it at all -- the old fashioned way: they earn it. They earn it by controlling the expense side of the equation and optimizing the income side. Sounds great, right? What separates those who make it work from those who don't is the cumulative appreciation of positive, lifelong habits. Little things add up over time; unfortunately, most people don't develop such routines early enough in life to take advantage of time. And the further behind we get, the harder it is to catch up. That's when stress really takes over. So in addition to developing new routines, people can stress proof their money by letting go of what they can't control, expressing gratitude for what they can control, and becoming satisfied with what they have along the way. There's nothing better than a satisfied mind.


6. Stress Proof Your Relationships.
Although he may have questioned his neighbor's wisdom, Robert Frost is perhaps most famous for that twice-repeated line in the poem Mending Wall, "Good fences make good neighbors." That line expresses what Caroline Westerhoff describes as the "irresolvable tension between boundary and hospitality." It also expresses the challenge of stress proofing our relationships. Err on one side or the other, too much boundary or too much hospitality, and we end up in trouble. Strike the right balance, and we end up with vital relationships in life and work. How can we tell if the balance is right? Notice whether or not and to what degree we are playing the blame game. When the balance is off, we tend to blame others or ourselves for our negative feelings. When the balance is on, we celebrate the beauty of the need and appreciate the possibility of the moment.


7. Stress Proof Your Love.
Our significant others represent a special relationship with a special ability to either drive us crazy or make us happy. There's that fine line again, only now the stakes are higher. Domestic violence can result when these relationships are stressed to the limit, and the statistics are alarming. So what's a couple to do? Court each other daily. Put service above self. Share each other's interests. Never be jealous. Pitch in. Keep laughing. Trust life to work out. Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Know what's important to you. Communicate your boundaries. Through such active engagement in making your love work, stress goes down and joy goes up in the most important relationships of our lives.


8. Stress Proof Your Environments.
In the contest between intentions and environments, environments always win. They are that powerful. All the good intentions and all the will power in the world are not strong enough to overcome poorly designed environments. They are that important. That's why coaches work so diligently with clients to design better environments. We want systems, surroundings, networks, procedures, equipment, materials, and locations -- to mention only seven of the most common culprits -- to fully support client intentions and goals. When that happens, and when that happens with set-it-and-forget-it automation, stress goes out of the equation altogether. Things are no longer hard and effortful. Things are rather easy and effortless, because our environments are working for us rather than against us.


9. Stress Proof Your Spirit.
There's one more thing that can really add stress to life and work: being disconnected from our passion and out of integrity with our values. Those things touch the deep places of our soul, the inner being, and we have to tend to them if we hope to eliminate the interference that stress represents. One way to do that is to focus on the contribution we want to make to planet earth. Another way to do that is to focus on the needs we want to meet at this moment in time. Universal needs are just core values by another name. The more mindful and focused we become on that which is life-affirming, life-giving, and life-building, the happier we will be and the less stress we will feel.