Provision #618: Stressful Reactions

by Bob Tschannen-Moran

LifeTrek Laser Provision

You may not have suffered a lot of stressful events in the past year, and you may not be manifesting a lot of physical, stress-induced symptoms, but there is another way to get a handle on your stress level: how irritable and demanding are you with other people. The more stress we are under, the more reactive we tend to be. If you're not sure how you rate in terms of annoyances, then this Provision will put things into perspective. It includes a survey of 50 things that tend to annoy people. It will be interesting to see what you discover.

LifeTrek Provision

So how many did you come up with? How many things bug you from the above list of 50 situations? This assessment, based on a similar test in the 1973 book, Psychology, by B. Von Haller Gilner, identifies three levels of stress:

• 0-10 "Yes's" suggest a Mild amount of stress
• 11-24 "Yes's" suggest a Moderate amount of stress
• 25-50 "Yes's" suggest a Significant amount of stress

As with all stress assessments, the more stress you are under, the more of a toll stress is taking on your health, happiness, and success in life and work. That's especially true when it comes to annoyances since they take a toll not only on yourself but also on those who are annoying you. We have, perhaps, all had the experience of getting bugged by someone smacking their gum, chewing with their mouth open, or crunching an apple or potato chips in our presence. Chomp, chomp, chomp. We try to ignore it as long as we can, but then what happens? We make the request that they stop crunching.

But it's usually not a request. When we are annoyed, we come across as irritated and our requests come across as demands. We may be able to get away with that in our families, where people have learned to overlook our more obnoxious traits, but once we get out in public our irritability and demands take a heavy toll. They actually make it less, rather than more, likely that our needs will be met. As a result, we end up in vicious cycle. The more irritable and demanding we become, the less our needs get met; the less our needs get met, the more irritable and demanding we become.

Stop the world, I want to get off! We live in a time when irritability and exigency have reached epic proportions. Stress generates more stress as people struggle to get their needs met. In future Provisions we'll talk more about how to get off the treadmill, but for now I invite you to increase your awareness of the phenomena both in your own life and in the lives of others. When do you notice the most amount of irritability and exigency? When do you notice the least? How can you receive both situations as gifts, from which you can learn and grow?

Therein lies the first step in the process of stress reduction. Awareness precedes action. Mindful awareness, which is awareness without judgment, precedes effective action. Perhaps you have heard the story of an older man teaching a younger man how to play golf. After working on the mechanics, the younger man points out that his mind gets in the way of his game. He has a hard time focusing and clearing his mind, especially as he swings through the ball. "What do you think about?" he asks the older, "Do you have any secret formula?"

The older man said he would demonstrate his method so he stepped up to the ball and on his backswing he began to say out loud, "Son ... of ... a ..." until he came crashing back through the ball with the word, "bitch!!!" "That's what I say to myself," he told the younger man, "with every shot." That's one way to focus, to approach every shot with a son-of-a-bitch mentality, but it fails to generate mastery in both golf and life. It rather generates stress and the very opposite of the calm-alert energy that mastery requires.

So notice the next time you find yourself and/or others becoming irritable or demanding. What are the dynamics? The more we notice, the more chance we have to change.

Coaching Inquiries: What do you say when you talk to yourself? How can you focus without agitated-stress energy? How can you reduce the number of annoyances in your life? What things can you change and what things can you accept? How might you gain the wisdom to know the difference?

To reply to this Provision, use our Feedback Form. To talk with us about coaching or consulting services for yourself or your organization, Email Us or use our Contact Form to arrange a complimentary conversation. To learn more about LifeTrek Coaching programs, Click Here.

LifeTrek Readers' Forum (selected feedback from the past week)

Editor's Note: The LifeTrek Readers' Forum contains selections from the comments and materials sent in each week by the readers of LifeTrek Provisions. They do not necessarily reflect the perspective of LifeTrek Coaching International. To submit your comment, use our Feedback Form or Email Bob..