Provision #614: Vital Rhythms
by Bob Tschannen-Moran
LifeTrek Laser Provision
Today we conclude our series on life-giving needs. I don't know about you,
but I've learned a lot over the past 10 weeks. When we started, I was not
exactly sure how to understand or describe needs. I certainly didn't appreciate
the dynamic and, at times, dichotomous ways in which needs are related to each
other. Seeing them now, laid out as they are on the
Wheel of Needs,
I've come to grasp that meeting needs is more a matter of rhythm than balance.
Fortunately, that's a whole lot easier and fun. Read on to see if you agree.
LifeTrek Provision
There's a standing joke that my business and coaching clients always end up
buying multiple domain names on their way to establishing a successful brand
identity and business model. That's because I, myself, am an URL junkie. I
currently own 45 URLs, although some are scheduled to expire this year. Many of
those URLs are active, either as separate websites or as pointing to our main
website, www.lifetrekcoaching.com.
Others are being held in reserve, with plans to roll them out as we develop new
initiatives and program areas.
Of the 12 URLs that are active, pointing to our main website, two have relevance
to today's Provision:
www.vitalbalances.com and
www.vitalrhythms.com. No matter which one you click on they go to the same
place, but the implications of the two concepts are quite different. Think
seesaw or teeter-totter. Have you ever stood on top of a seesaw, right in the
middle at the pivot point, and tried to maintain your balance? Most of us
probably have, so most of us probably know the difficulty. At first it may go
alright, but then one side dips down, so we compensate to the other, and then
back again until we tire out and give up.
That's what makes tightrope walkers so spellbinding. Everyone knows how
challenging it is to maintain one's balance under such conditions. Doing that on
a high wire without a net is truly death-defying. Such acts are a staple of
circuses and acrobats precisely because no ordinary person has the skill or
temerity to attempt them. They strike a vital balance because the risk is great.
Falling off a high wire can easily lead to injury or even death. It is vital
that acrobats maintain their balance. At least three factors contribute to that
ability: strength, equipment, and practice. Acrobats are some of the strongest
athletes around precisely because so much is at stake in their performances. The
right equipment is equally essential, especially since it can sometimes make the
balancing act easier than it looks.
But no quantity of strength and no quality of gear will mean much of anything
without practice. So they start on a low wire and work the routine, over and
over again, until they become confident enough to raise the wire. More practice
leads to an even higher wire. Eventually, with enough practice, they're ready
for the big show. It's thrilling, albeit exceptional, to see such balancing acts
up close and personal. That's certainly part of what draws people, for example,
to the Cirque du Soleil: there's
just enough danger to astonish and amaze.
There is, fortunately, an easier and less dangerous way to achieve vitality.
Stand on top of that seesaw again, right in the middle at the pivot point, and
imagine producing the following rhythm: touch down on one side, clap your hands
two times, then touch down on the other side, and clap your hands two times
again. How difficult does that sound? Most us will probably admit that rhythms
are easier to maintain, and a lot more fun, than balance. They still take
strength and the right equipment, but the human body is much better suited for
repetitive movements than stationary balance.
Especially when we involve other people. Put two people on the ends of that
seesaw and the rhythms become a whole lot more effortless, varied, and fun. We
can keep them going a lot longer, do more with them, and laugh out loud as we go
up and down together. Just writing about it makes me want to seesaw again soon.
I bring all this up because we are at the end of our series on life-giving
needs. Over the past 10 weeks we have explored 10 universal needs that form the
basis of human vitality. I arranged those needs on a circular diagram called the
Wheel of Needs,
paying attention to the relationship of both adjacent and opposite needs on the
wheel. When all those needs are being met, we feel vitalized, happy,
invigorated, animated, spirited, and good. When one or more of those needs are
not being met, we feel disquieted, angry, lethargic, dull, apathetic, and bad.
That's why vitality lies at the center of the wheel. These needs are all
important, all the time. So how do we get them met? To read the self-help
literature, one would think it's a matter of balance. How often have you heard
or read about:
- achieving work / life balance
- eating a balanced diet
- living a well-balanced life
- feeling out of balance
- bringing things back into balance
- balancing family, work, and service
- balancing life's priorities
- striking the right balance at work
I'm sure we could add many more aspirations to the list when it comes to
balance. I know, because the quest for balance is one of the things that
keeps the coaching profession alive, even during a recession. People are
being told that they should be thankful just because they have a job,
regardless of how difficult, impossible, or abusive that job may be. That
rationale may work for a while, perhaps because the job is meeting our needs
for security, but then, inevitably, the needs that are not being met command
our attention. Perhaps we need more assistance, more connection, more
honesty, more skill, or more challenge. Whatever may be the dynamics, we
cannot go for long without an adjustment.
That's when people call for coaching, and they often frame their goal as one
of getting into balance. When that happens, LifeTrek coaches assist people
to reframe their goal as one of getting into a rhythm. Although all needs
are important all the time, that does mean we can evenly balance the meeting
of all needs all the time. Like standing still on the pivot point of a
seesaw, that approach is tiring and unsustainable. It fails to recognize the
divergent energy of needs. We need both safety and challenge, for example,
but we don't get to have both of them in equal balance at the same time.
Instead, we take turns, like going up and down on a seesaw, generating a
rhythm that is ultimately satisfying, productive, and fun.
Clients often experience a huge relief and a surge of energy when they let
go of the notion of balance. Developing rhythms that generate vitality is so
much easier and more sustainable. There are times, for example, when we work
so hard that we fail to fully meet our needs for rest or community. If our
goal was balance, such times might occasion a lot of guilt and shame. We
are, after all, sacrificing some of our needs.
But if our goal is rhythm we can have a very different conversation with
ourselves, with our coaches, and with those we love. If we are over
delivering on
our need for work, then when will the pendulum swing back in the other
direction, so that we over deliver on our needs for rest and community? Vitality
lies in getting all our needs fully met often enough to qualify as a rhythm.
And that can be a very stimulating conversation indeed.
All sorts of people over work, promising themselves and their loved ones
that they'll soon be able take some time off, to recover, and to connect
emotionally. "There's a light at the end of the tunnel," is an
all-too-familiar refrain. "Just wait until I get this project off my plate!
Then I'll get to your football game. Then we'll take some vacation. Then
I'll go see the doctor." But the light at the end of the tunnel turns out to
be just another bend, and the end never comes, and the needs never get met.
That is not a vital rhythm! A vital rhythm goes up and down, around and
around, with sufficient regularity and pacing as to be life-sustaining and
life-giving. When asked, we can describe these rhythms. We can say what we
do, and when we do it, to meet our needs for subsistence and transcendence,
for safety and challenge, for work and rest, for honesty and empathy, for
autonomy and community on a regular basis. We know when to say "Yes" and
when to say "No." We don't promise to get around to it and then fail to keep
our promise. We maintain our rhythms without fail, not as obligations but as
opportunities to live and to live fully.
Such is my hope for each of us in these challenging times. Let us not be
deterred or derailed from our vital rhythms. Let us rather push off and drop
down like we were on a seesaw with friends, laughing, having fun, and taking
care of the things that give us life.
Coaching Inquiries: What things give you life? When you look at the 10 needs
on the
Wheel of Needs,
which ones are you meeting more regularly? Which ones are you meeting less
regularly? How you could you develop new, life-giving rhythms? Who could you
talk with about what this might look like? Where are the life-giving coaches
in your life?
To reply to this Provision, use our
Feedback Form. To
talk with us about coaching or consulting services for yourself or your organization,
Email Us
or use our
Contact Form
to arrange a complimentary conversation. To learn more about LifeTrek Coaching programs,
Click Here.
LifeTrek Readers' Forum (selected feedback
from the past week)
Editor's Note: The LifeTrek Readers' Forum contains selections from the comments
and materials sent in each week by the readers of LifeTrek Provisions. They do
not necessarily reflect the perspective of LifeTrek Coaching International. To
submit your comment, use our Feedback Form or
Email Bob..
I often do not get the daily Provision -- please ensure they come. (Ed.
Note: Although I appreciate your desire for more, Provisions is
published on a weekly, not a daily, basis. Look for them to show up
in your Inbox every Sunday morning, Eastern USA time). Top
May you be filled with goodness, peace, and joy.
Bob Tschannen-Moran, President
LifeTrek Coaching International
121 Will Scarlet Lane
Williamsburg, VA 23185-5043
Email: Coach@LifeTrekCoaching.com
Phone: (757) 345-3452
Fax: (772) 382-3258
Twitter: LifeTrekBob
Web: www.LifeTrekCoaching.com
Mobile: www.LifeTrekMobile.com
Coach Training: www.EvocativeCoaching.com
Subscribe/Unsubscribe: Subscriber Services
» Top
|
