Provision #611: Challenge Yourself
by Bob Tschannen-Moran
LifeTrek Laser Provision
Do you know the story of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears"? Goldilocks tried
one bowl of porridge and it was too hot. She tried another and it was too cold.
The third bowl, however, was just right and she ate it all up. Those are the
kinds of challenges we want in life and work. We don't want them to be too hard;
we also don't want them to be too easy. We want them to be just right. It takes
intentionality and planning to design such challenges, but that's not beyond us.
Indeed, we humans have a knack for creating such games. This Provision will
encourage you to make it so.
LifeTrek Provision
Recently I was in New Jersey to facilitate a client off-site meeting along
with my LifeTrek colleague, Erika Jackson. At the end of the first day, we went
out to dinner with the management team. It's a good thing Erika was along, since
we got into a conversation about television shows that was definitely out of my
league. I confess to not being much of a television watcher, other than the
occasional newscast, sporting event, or movie. I'm way out of my league when the
conversation turns to primetime shows, but Erika was able to help me get through
with a minimum of embarrassment.
It became clear that two kinds of shows were quite popular: dramatic serials and
reality shows. Both were popular topics over dinner, although the former
definitely had more fans. The reality shows that were mentioned had, as their
common theme, an element of competition. In one way or another, people were
challenging themselves and being judged as to the quality of their performance.
From dancing to losing weight to feats of stamina, strength, synergy, or skill,
ordinary people are putting it all on the line to be deemed the winner.
Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we push ourselves to be the best we can
possibly be, to step into something new, to reach beyond our perceived limits,
and to play a bigger game? Simply put: because it's fun and rewarding. Challenge
is a universal human need. We may need to feel safe, but we also need to feel
stretched. It's neither satisfying nor fulfilling to always do what we have
always done, no matter how well we do it. Such ruts lead to boredom, lethargy,
listlessness, and ennui. The human mind is nothing if it's not a stimulation
factory. We challenge ourselves because we can.
Regular readers of Provisions know that I am a long-distance runner. That means
I run 25-55 miles a week, every week of every month of every year. That's about
4-9 hours a week of running, not counting the time I spend warming up, cooling
down, and doing other forms of exercise such as cycling and strength training.
In the course of a year, that adds up to about 22 continuous days of running and
working out.
Now I mention that routine not to show off or to impress you with my
athleticism. Indeed, I am not very competitive when it comes to my finish times.
But I do put in the hours and I manage to enjoy myself along the way, much to
the surprise of those who do not share my passion for long-distance running.
"What do you think about along the way?" is a common refrain. Although every
runner is different, the answer in most cases is how to make the run both
interesting and enjoyable.
For an elite few, that has to do with running winning times. For many, that has
to do with running faster and stronger than last week, last month, or last year.
I went through that phase when I first got it into running. I was playing the
game of how fast can I run. Now, however, I challenge myself with other games.
Every year I run the Baltimore Marathon, for example, as the 4:45 pace team
leader. In the months leading up to the race, I play the game of how steady can
I run (and I have a reputation for finishing in perfect or near-perfect times).
It makes the training and the race both interesting and enjoyable.
Two of my favorite games are the discover new routes and the predict the
distance games. I particularly enjoy discovering new routes, which is made all
the more challenging when I start and finish at the same spot. One would think
there is not much to discover just outside your front door, but au contraire!
There is always another way to go, especially when you combine the two games
with the assistance of a GPS-enabled training watch. What new route will turn
out to be exactly 5 miles? Or exactly 30 kilometers? Or exactly anything? The
combinations are literally infinite, which makes for a perfect mental / physical
challenge. The stimulation factory can run wild.
And then there's that pesky computer I was telling you about in my Provision on
Autonomy Needs.
Having bought myself and set up a new computer which is working just fine, thank
you, I now had the luxury of experimenting on the old computer with reckless
abandon since I was no longer depending on it for my day-to-day functioning.
Talk about a computer aficionado's delight! I could now play the game of what's
wrong with this computer without any time constraints or performance anxiety.
It took a couple of weeks and numerous dead ends, but my new-found freedom led
eventually to the discovery of a problem with the CPU's configuration and heat
sink. The reason the computer was dying was because the CPU was overheating
relative to its core settings. Using a CPU temperature monitor, a free software
utility, I saw how the CPU was steadily rising in temperature until -- boom! -- the computer
shut down as though someone had pulled the plug out of the wall socket. Solving
that problem solved the computer problem, or so it appears, which means I now have a nice backup
computer and an even nicer new computer. :)
The point, again, is not to boast of my abilities (a smarter guy than me would
have figured this out before he bought a new computer!); the point is to
illustrate the human need for challenges. In a sense, all of life is a game.
That's not to say life is silly or unimportant. It's rather to say that we frame our life
projects as interesting and enjoyable challenges.
What games are you playing in life right now? Thankfully, I'm done with the
what's wrong with this computer game (at least for now). But in the past week my wife and I have
had our book on coaching in schools accepted for publication by Jossey-Bass, so
now we're playing the write a great book before the end of August game. Between
then and now we'll be playing many other games, both personal and professional.
Some of those include the go to conferences game, the get new clients game, the
connect with friends game, and the plan vacations game.
It's all a game because they all represent interesting and enjoyable challenges.
Defining, playing, and winning the games of life are what bring people to
coaching. People want to talk about the games they are playing, or not playing,
in order to clarify their intentions, understand their feelings, and master
their moves. Here are some of the games my clients are playing right now:
- The lose weight and get in shape game.
- The find a new job game.
- The get along with my co-workers game.
- The make my marriage work game.
- The care for an ailing family member game.
- The organize my office game.
- The sleep better at night game.
- The manage my medical condition game.
- The connect with respect game.
- The find a new partner game.
- The take time for myself game.
As in the discovery of new routes to run, there is no limit to the games
people play. We challenge ourselves because we can; doing so makes life both
interesting and enjoyable. Unfortunately, it can also make life both
distracting and stressful. That's what happens when we try to play too many
games or too challenging of games. The trick is to find the sweet spot where
we are neither over stimulated nor under stimulated by the number and nature
of the games we are playing.
Hitting that sweet spot is what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls "flow".
Athletes call it "being in the zone". It means we are totally engaged in a
desired pursuit that pushes us to, but not beyond, the limit of our abilities. When
we find ourselves in that condition, we forget about time and do whatever it
takes to be successful. We find such activities interesting and enjoyable,
but not necessarily pleasurable in the moment. That's because flow
activities are often very difficult and challenging. They require our full
attention. We cannot do a good job with them if we are distracted by other
pressures or commitments.
The pleasure often comes after the fact, as many athletes will attest. Ask
endurance athletes what's the best part of their workouts and they will
often reply, "Finishing." That's when you experience the relief and
satisfaction of a job well done. The challenge has been met and the work has
been completed. That's when the endorphins really take hold.
There's no way to get to that point, however, apart from playing the game.
As the saying goes, "Those who do not play, cannot win". The key is to
design a winnable game. That's what I've done with my running. I've designed
winnable games that I find both doable and enjoyable. I regularly experience
flow at these games, which keeps me coming back for more. Mastery
experiences build on themselves.
So, too, do frustrating experiences build on themselves. Once we conclude
that we cannot be successful at something, we stop enjoying the challenge
and we seldom go back for more. A big part of coaching is assisting clients
to design winnable games. We have to scale and frame the challenges
appropriately. But it doesn't take a coach to figure this out. We can do it
for ourselves once we understand what we are doing. There's no way I can win
the run a 3-hour marathon game. Taking on that challenge would neither be
interesting nor enjoyable. It would be frustrating, counterproductive, and
unnecessary.
That's what I hope to assist my clients to discover. There's no point in
banging away at an unwinnable game. If someone asks you to play such a game,
then it's time to set your boundaries and speak your truth. If you ask
yourself to play an unwinnable game, then it's time to rescale and reframe
the challenges appropriately. Doing so is the secret to success and to being
fully alive. It is what makes the difference between those who greet the day
with zest and enthusiasm and those who find it hard to get going.
Coaching Inquiries: What games are you playing? Do they challenge you
enough, not enough, or too much? Do you find yourself bored or anxious? How
could you change the games you are playing in order to experience flow more
often? Who could be your partner in designing and playing better games?
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LifeTrek Readers' Forum (selected feedback
from the past week)
Editor's Note: The LifeTrek Readers' Forum contains selections from the comments
and materials sent in each week by the readers of LifeTrek Provisions. They do
not necessarily reflect the perspective of LifeTrek Coaching International. To
submit your comment, use our Feedback Form or
Email Bob..
I enjoy reading your Provisions each week. I look forward to them, first
thing on Sunday morning. Thanks for all you do!
Thanks so much for your ministry of health and healing! I am part of a
fairly new Health and Wellness Committee and my vision is that all UM
committees, institutions, events, and members would recognize that all of
Christ's ministry was health ministry, that discipleship means stewardship
of our bodies and the earth, and that the scriptures need to be incorporated
at the cellular level. With that comes the hope, faith, and energy for
tapping into the most pure form of what is right with us!
I was wanting to know what would be the first steps that I would need to
take in becoming a Life Coach? Are there legitimate schools to get a degree
or a certificate in Life Coaching? What qualifies someone as a Life Coach? I
feel and I have been told that I give good solid advice and that this field
may be something that I should look into. (Ed. Note: For information on
coach training, visit
www.coachfederation.org or
www.certifiedcoach.org.)
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May you be filled with goodness, peace, and joy.
Bob Tschannen-Moran
President, LifeTrek Coaching International,
www.LifeTrekCoaching.com
CEO & Co-Founder, Center for School Transformation,
www.SchoolTransformation.com
2010 President, International Association of Coaching,
www.CertifiedCoach.org
Address: 121 Will Scarlet Lane, Williamsburg, VA 23185-5043
Phone: (757) 345-3452
Fax: (772) 382-3258
Skype: LifeTrek
Twitter: @LifeTrekBob
Mobile: www.LifeTrekMobile.com
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