Provision #598: New Year's
Resolutions
by Bob Tschannen-Moran
Laser Provision
What's the difference between therapy and coaching? The answers are many but
here's a distinction that's easy to remember: therapy helps people to resolve past hurts
while coaching assists people to realize future hopes. Get the difference?
Therapy spends more time looking in the rear-view mirror while coaching spends
more time looking at the road ahead. That's why many people choose to hire
coaches at this time of year. The New Year is a time for resolutions and
coaching can assist you to make those resolutions stick. Sound intriguing? Read
on to learn how it works.
LifeTrek Provision
'Tis the season to set
goals for the year ahead. We call them New Year's Resolutions and most of them
are never fully realized. Specifically, 25% of all New Year's Resolutions get
abandoned after one week, 29% after two weeks, 36% after one month, and 54%
after six months.
Does that mean we shouldn't bother to make resolutions? Hardly! Most people make
resolutions regarding problems they want to solve. After six months, 46% of
those who make resolutions report progress compared to only 4% of those who do
not make resolutions. Although it may be harder than it looks, and although it's
seldom a magic cure, life responds to human intentions.
Life responds more effectively when those intentions include the necessary
infrastructure. It's not enough to say, "I want a new job." or "I want to lose
weight." One must also develop appealing strategies for making it so. They must
be appealing because motivation is essential when it comes to making changes and
developing new habits. They must be strategies because making changes and
developing new habits progress over time. No one can lose all the weight they
want to lose, for example, in an instant. Most things, especially things of
value, take time.
Understanding this, the media are prone to share many helpful tips at this time
of year for people who are making New Year's Resolutions. The Daily Press, for
example, recently included nine tips from local therapists on putting bad habits
to rest. Given the distinctions between therapy and coaching, I found it
interesting to look at these tips through my lens as a LifeTrek coach. If the
coach approach sounds intriguing, then perhaps it's time for you to give us a
call.
1. Make a list. Write down all of the reasons why you want to stop a
certain behavior how it's hurting you and why getting rid of it will help.
Look at that list often.
Coach Approach: Write down how your behaviors are serving you. All behaviors,
including destructive behaviors, are designed to meet constructive needs. The
more we understand about the needs we are trying to meet, the more open we
become to developing and trying alternative strategies.
2. Become more aware. Many habits are hard to break because they are
unconscious impulses. Turn them into choices instead: Make a written or mental
note every time you do something unwanted such as biting your nails or yelling
at your kids.
Coach Approach: Make every moment a conscious moment through mindfulness and
choice. The more conscious we become of the choices we are making to meet our
needs, including the choices we affirm and celebrate, the more motivated we
become to make even better choices in the future.
3. Substitute other activities. It's easier to replace a bad habit
than stop it. If you lose your temper often, for example, practice deep
breathing or go for a walk.
Coach Approach: It's easier to do what you love than to do what you ought. Doing
something because you "should" is a recipe for failure. So imagine your ideal
life, make sure it's something you would enjoy, and arrange to sample that
life regularly. The more often you try the good stuff, the more often you'll
go back for more.
4. Break it down. Think of the steps needed to shed a habit and tackle
them one at a time. To stay motivated, keep your goals simple and realistic.
Coach Approach: Make sure your first steps, no matter how small, are great
steps. Baby steps are for babies; adults need to see a connection between the
road ahead and the final destination. The more you connect the dots between
point "A" and point "B" the more success you will have.
5. Reward yourself. Before you take on a bad habit, decide what you'll do
to celebrate with every baby step you complete.
Coach Approach: Success, as they say, is its own reward. You risk losing both
motivation and integrity when you set up systems of external rewards and
punishments. The more pleasure you take in the process of change the more you
increase the likelihood of making changes stick.
6. Remove temptations. If you overeat, keep junk food out of your house.
If you crave cigarettes with coffee, switch to tea and avoid smoky bars or
friends who light up.
Coach Approach: Design environments that support your best intentions. Nature
abhors a vacuum and will-power is not very powerful. So surround yourself with
the places, things, systems, technologies, and conveniences that will make it
easier to be successful. The more you focus on what you want, rather than on what you
don't want, the more possibilities you will see.
7. Be patient. Bad habits develop over years, so you likely won't be able
to ditch them immediately. The average smoker, in fact, tries to quit about
seven times before being successful.
Coach Approach: Miracles can be arranged. Although it's true that big changes
take time, the best changes generate quick wins and immediate gratification. When we see the
fruits of our labors in the moment, not just as stepping stones to some desired
future state, we build excitement and hope. Did-do generates can-do every time.
8. Find support. Tell family and friends about your goal. If there's a
local or online support group for people with your problem, join it.
Coach Approach: Human resources are yet another environment to be designed.
Support groups, while helpful to many, reflect a victim mentality; special
interest groups, which focus on things people love to do, encourage a mastery
mentality. The more you engage with others who share your interest, the more
excited you will be by the process and prospect of change.
9. Get help for addictions. Some habits, particularly substance abuse and
smoking, involve a real physical or emotional dependency and may require
professional attention.
Coach Approach: Many people break free of addictions and other serious problems,
without medical assistance, once they become passionately interested in
something new. That's where coaching starts: with the assumption that mobility
is within everyone's reach. The forward look, made tantalizingly real, has
transformational properties. The more we experiment, the more we discover.
That's as true when people work with other professionals as when they work with
coaches.
I hope you had as much fun reading those distinctions as I had describing them.
There is certainly overlap between coaching and other professions; we do some of
what they do and they do some of what we do. But the orientation of coaching is
towards the future. That is what we do best! And I hope, in the New Year, that
you will find ways to get some coaching for yourself. It really is rewarding,
enjoyable, and productive all at the same time.
Coaching Inquiries: How often do you find yourself looking backwards to solve
problems? How often do you find yourself looking forwards to seize
opportunities? How could you nurture more forward-looking conversations? What
changes would you like to break open? Who could be your coach, professional or
otherwise?
To reply to this Provision, use our
Feedback Form. To
talk with us about coaching or consulting services for yourself or your organization,
Email Us
or use our
Contact Form
to arrange a complimentary conversation. To learn more about LifeTrek Coaching programs,
Click Here.
LifeTrek Readers' Forum (selected feedback
from the past week)
Editor's Note: The LifeTrek Readers' Forum contains selections from the comments
and materials sent in each week by the readers of LifeTrek Provisions. They do
not necessarily reflect the perspective of LifeTrek Coaching International. To
submit your comment, use our Feedback Form or
Email Bob..
Great Provision on
O Holy Night.
I am thankful for your insight.
Ive never connected O Holy Night to the fact that its sung on my birthday
Dec 24 how wonderful that its meaning is to celebrate the beauty of life to
which I will dedicate my entire day! Thanks.
I liked the
audio
version! I hope you'll be doing more of these :)
Wow, what a treat to hear your voice! Hopefully Christmas blessings will keep
you dancing joyously throughout 2009!
It's Christmas Day and I am away from my family and friends. I am in transition
out of active ministry. I am profoundly moved by your message. It has helped me
to make this day and those that follow, days of gratitude. I have so much for
which to be grateful. Thanks for the reminder. Merry Christmas. Top
May you be filled with goodness, peace, and joy.
Bob Tschannen-Moran
President, LifeTrek Coaching International,
www.LifeTrekCoaching.com
CEO & Co-Founder, Center for School Transformation,
www.SchoolTransformation.com
Immediate Past President, International Association of Coaching,
www.CertifiedCoach.org
Author, Evocative Coaching: Transforming Schools One Conversation at a Time,
Online Retailers
Address: 121 Will Scarlet Lane, Williamsburg, VA 23185-5043
Phone: (757) 345-3452
Fax: (772) 382-3258
Skype: LifeTrek
Twitter: @LifeTrekBob
Mobile: www.LifeTrekMobile.com
Subscribe/Unsubscribe: Subscriber Services
» Top
|
