Provision #580: Grab The Mike

by Bob Tschannen-Moran

LifeTrek Laser Provision

Everyone enjoys the spontaneity and curiosity of little children. We laugh and play along. So what happens to that joy as we grow older? It gets replaced with judgmental voices of what can and should be done. Unfortunately, those voices interfere with developing our full potential. It's important, therefore, to learn how to set them aside in the service of natural learning. Then, and only then, will we become the change that we seek. This Provision shares a few stories on how to make it so.

LifeTrek Provision

"When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as 'rootless and stemless.' We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don't condemn it as immature and underdeveloped; nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear."

"We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is."

"Similarly, the errors we make can be seen as an important part of the developing process. In its process of developing, our tennis game gains a great deal from errors. Even slumps are part of the process. They are not 'bad' events, but they seem to endure endlessly as long as we call them bad and identify with them. Like a good gardener who knows when the soil needs alkali and when acid, the competent tennis pro should be able to help the development of your game."

"Usually the first thing that needs to be done is to deal with the negative concepts inhibiting the innate development process. Both the pro and the player stimulate this process as they begin to see and to accept the strokes as they are at that moment. The first step is to see your strokes as they are. They must be perceived clearly. This can be done only when personal judgment is absent. As soon as a stroke is seen clearly and accepted as it is, a natural and speedy process of change begins."

By setting aside of the voice in the head regarding what and how things should be done, favoring, instead, a clear, nonjudgmental awareness of what and how things are being done, the change process begins because we unleash our spontaneity and curiosity. We end up returning to that place of natural learning where we simply do our best, repeat what works, and find our joy.

That, in fact, is what coaching is all about. It's not giving people good advice or telling them what to do. It's listening to people with a complete absence of judgment so they can begin to figure out what they want to do, what adjustments they want to make, and how they can make life more wonderful both for themselves and for others.

I think of coaching (thanks, in part, to the work of Tim Gallwey) as a great awareness conversation. We discover what's actually happening, how people are feeling in the moment, and what wants to be happening in life and work. That discovery process is often enough to trigger the changes people seek. No instructions or incentives are required. The expanded awareness does all the heavy lifting.

So don't be afraid to look. View whatever happens as fascinating bits of information that you can explore, play with, change, and develop. Make spontaneous, just-in-time adjustments. Then, and only then, will you grab the microphone and become the change that you seek.

Coaching Inquiries: How often do you walk around with judgmental voices in your head? What helps you to suspend judgment and to become aware of what's actually happening? What's your best experience of learning something new? How could you replicate that experience in other areas? Who could assist you along the way?

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LifeTrek Readers' Forum (selected feedback from the past week)

Editor's Note: The LifeTrek Readers' Forum contains selections from the comments and materials sent in each week by the readers of LifeTrek Provisions. They do not necessarily reflect the perspective of LifeTrek Coaching International. To submit your comment, Email Bob.