                    |
 As both a mother of two small children
and a performance consultant in organizations, our parenting coach, Christina
Lombardo Ray, has observed that the same reasons employees don't complete work
tasks apply also to why children don't do the things parents ask them to do:
1. A lack of knowledge or skill
2. A lack of information or feedback
3. A lack of motivation
4. A lack of tools or resources
As an educator, I'm familiar with compelling research that suggests we can
overcome these deficits more by providing clear and specific feedback than by
using incentives or rewards. The simple act of paying positive attention to
specific desirable attitudes, words, and behaviors builds a sense of competence
that fuels the motivation to make a real contribution in both the family and the
workplace.
In child raising, general compliments like, "You're such a good girl," or
bribes, like a toy or a treat, risk being counter-productive in the long run.
It's better to describe your child's good behavior and tell them why it works.
This might sound like. "I noticed that you were sharing your toys with your
sister today and what a fun time you had playing together." Or, "What a big help
you were to me today, cleaning up the house without complaining."
Such positive noticing is powerful in its own right, without the need for any
transactional reward. Setting up the expectation that "when I am good, I will
get the goods" can make for selfish and demanding children.
I'm not saying it's never appropriate to go out to dinner to celebrate a great
report card or some other extraordinary accomplishment. But noticing and providing
specific feedback, on a daily basis and without connection to a reward, is far more powerful, because
it contributes to your child's developing sense of competence and to the sense
that they have a meaningful contribution to make.
Coaching Inquiries: Are you more prone to notice or reward good behavior? How
could you pay more positive attention to the things your child thinks, says, and
does well? How can you be more specific in the feedback that you give?
 To reply to this Pathway, use our Feedback Form. To learn more about our Parenting Coaching Programs and to arrange for a
complementary Parenting coaching session, Click Here or
Email Megan.
May you be filled with goodness, peace, and joy.
Megan Tschannen-Moran
(Megan@LifeTrekCoaching.com)
LifeTrek Coaching International
121 Will Scarlet Lane
Williamsburg, VA 23185-5043
Phone: (757) 345-3452
Fax: (772) 382-3258
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