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I was in my car when I needed to get the attention of someone inside the house.
"Well, I can't honk," I thought to myself, "the horn is broken."
Only, it wasn't. I had, in fact, had the electrical components of the horn fixed
about a year ago but had forgotten about it. I had access to a tool that, out of
of habit, I was telling myself I could not use.
I think this is what we do when we hold certain beliefs about ourselves as
"truths." Without questioning, we tell ourselves that we aren't outgoing, that
we are a comedian, or that we are lazy ... the list goes on.
Often these thoughts are formed out of our early childhood experiences in which
we were still experimenting with our developing skills. And, sometimes these
personas are developed based on what others decide we are. We are too often
labeled, sorted, and assigned at an early age.
While these labels sometimes give us a positive sense of self and belonging, we
can also find these labels to be self-limiting. If we believe the labels without
question, we live into them as a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we allow ourselves
to assume our beliefs about ourselves are truths, we don't allow the space for
questioning and we let experiences that life may have given us new skills go
unacknowledged.
Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., teaches the skill of observation without evaluation.
In his book,
Nonviolent Communication, Dr. Rosenberg quotes an Indian
philosopher who believed that the ability to observe, without adding our own
evaluation, is the highest form of intelligence. Following are examples of
labels, or evaluations that we place upon ourselves.
- I am aggressive.
- I am a procrastinator.
- I am a poor communicator.
- I am shy.
Though not all negative, these have a surface evaluative component that we
tend to accept with out examination.
If we instead rephrased these as observations, describing the behaviors that
created the assumptions, we would learn more and have the freedom to change how
we define ourselves. Here are the above evaluations rephrased as observations of
behavior:
- I sometimes choose to say what I am thinking without editing my thoughts.
- Yesterday I played the piano instead of working out.
- Karen said I was unclear in explaining the problem to her.
- I felt uncomfortable describing my plan to the vice president.
When we break down our evaluations into specific behaviors we are better able
to examine what happened and make corrections. We can question our habits and
change our assumptions. So, check your horn; it may be working after all.
Coaching Inquiries: What "truths" are we holding onto about ourselves? About
others? In what ways are these "truths" self-limiting? How could observations,
without evaluations, free us to see the reality of our "truths?" How could we
become a more creative and positive person? Who else could we bring along on the
journey?
To reply to this Pathway, use our
Feedback Form. To learn more about our
Creativity Coaching Programs and to
arrange for a complementary Creativity coaching session, use our
Contact Form or
Email Erika.
May you be filled with goodness, peace, and joy.
Erika Jackson
(Erika@LifeTrekCoaching.com)
LifeTrek Coaching International
Columbus, OH •
U.S.A.
Telephone: 614-565-9953 •
Fax: 208-977-7793
Mobile: www.LifeTrekMobile.com
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