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 I grew up in a community of pleasers, primarily women, who struggled to say
"no." Surrounded by people who believed it unthinkable to disappoint another, I
watched as they, for example, stayed up until 3:00 AM making dozens of cookies
for church picnics, hosted parties for 40 people after working overtime all
week, attended events only to please those who had invited them, volunteered to
single-handedly complete tasks that required several people...the list goes on
and on. Perhaps it sounds familiar to you?
As you might imagine, this guilt-driven behavior was birthed in me as well. I
too found myself saying "yes" until I was overextended and exhausted. I was in
the habit of doing for the sake of others, rather than paying attention to what
I actually wanted to do. And, I thought it was unkind to decline any request of
me to serve, host, or help.
When we are caught in the cycle of saying "yes" because we should,
need to or have to, we risk losing our sense of self. Our identify is
lost among the voices of others, real or imagined. Until we learn to balance our
human design to please others with our human design to recognize, respect, and
honor our own needs, we will forever be victimized by guilt.
English writer Alan Watts once said, "No work of love will flourish out of
guilt, fear, or hollowness of heart." In other words, accepting the role of
martyr serves no one. Guilt is energy sapping. Guilt allows us to make choices
that do not honor ourselves. And, the presence of guilt prevents us from being
our full, creative selves.
Coaching Inquiries: How much on your task list was born from guilt? How could
you transform your "I should" and "I have-to do's" into "I want
to" and "I can"?
 To reply to this Pathway, use our
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Email Erika.
May you be filled with goodness, peace, and joy.
Erika Jackson
(Erika@LifeTrekCoaching.com)
LifeTrek Coaching International
Columbus, OH
U.S.A.
Telephone: 614-565-9953
Fax: 208-977-7793
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